- Facing flagging interest in the shot put competition, the Olympic Committee decided to hand out tickets at the mall
- It took several interpreters to finally conclude that his upper back tattoo was Vulcan for “MAMA TRIED”
- As the team walked down to the pool, enthusiasts quickly realized that Synchronized Swimming would never be the same
- Reviews were mixed for the ape-man reboot, “Jane Identifies As Tarzan”
- As the disappointed gamer removed his virtual headset, he was drawn to an eerily familiar tan line
- Unfortunately, the WWII veteran’s last words were, “Down in front!”
- History tells us precious little about Levi Strauss’s niche marketing effort, Chafing Undies
- “No, Doc,” muttered the walk-in emergency room victim, “but it does rhyme with ‘gut-shot’.”
- Distracted by the NASCAR pile-up, the wrestler was blindsided by his nemesis, Toby Earbuds
- Fortunately, no agents were injured during ATF’s ill-fated “gun tattoo buy-back” program. But several were extremely embarrassed.