- “They told me to just smile, repeatedly. Whatever happens, they said, just smile.”
- Obviously, there was some tension In the hours leading up to the world’s first full-skull follicle transplant
- “And as a gesture of peace between our nations, please accept this extremely large cauliflower.”
- Obviously, the President was not prepared to be grilled by a large exposed brain.
- “Okay, what smart guy put the poison ivy on the mantle?
- “We’ll let the Egyptian ambassador answer your questions in a sec. But first, I want to make a pyramid shape with my hands.”
- History tells us precious little about Elvis’ first draft, “Blue Suit Christmas”
- The President was able to secure the Venezuelan hostage’s release, but sadly, jungle crotch mold had already set in
- “Hey, Nobody told this clown about the left-to-right tie stripe rules? What the heck am I paying you people for?”
- Interestingly, the most perceptive question of the entire press conference was honked by Harpo Marx