(I love you…what was your name again?)

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Well, the numbers are in! And it looks like online dating not only works; it’s become wildly popular…even among married people. So now, it’s inevitable that our selfie-self-obsessed society move on to the next fad: online divorcing.

But until somebody comes up with that website, it’s worth nothing that online dating has started to move into niche marketing – very specialized partner matching for partner shoppers with specific partner desires. You’ve seen, around the web, some of these narrowly focused “X looking for Y” postings…

• Middle-aged Packers fan looking for fun-loving single lady in Green Bay who likes football.
• Native American professor of economics seeks mute woman to share weekend water sports.
• Unemployed pole dancer seeks bed-ridden octogenarian with massive investment income. Please send picture of wallet.
• Single vegetarian looking for one or more females named Amber to share my love of curd. Faint odor of patchouli a plus.
• Slowly aging non-denominational Eastern European vampire with great hair looking to meet six or seven Rubenesque brunettes for candlelit dinners, carriage rides, and shape-shifting. Involves some physical discomfort and occasional dying.

One such niche website is aimed at pot smokers who can’t seem to find a date, possibly because they dozed out before leaving for the singles bar. The site and its members refer to themselves as The Cupids of Cannabis. Apparently, somebody had already snatched up “The Bong & the Restless.” (their motto: “all doped up and nowhere to go”)

If you visit the doped daters website, you’ll first be required to fill out their signup form; you know, because they want to screen out any irresponsible losers from the legitimate losers. After all, you don’t want to waste your time with reckless rabble, if you’re discerning enough to scour the internet looking for lonely people with illegal substance issues.

Well of course I filled out the form.

It’s a fairly standard signup form…with a few novel touches. Next to each data entry box is a helpful little “What it this?” popup. Hover over the What Does This Mean icon and you get a short description of what you’re supposed to enter in that box, in case this is your first visit to this planet, or you’re already stoned.

First, you’re asked to pick your “Profile Type.” The Profile Type dropdown list options are “Single,” or “Couple,” which seems a bit unfair to pipe-huffing polygamists, but I’m here to report, not to judge.

If you hover over the profile type’s What Does This Mean, you’ll get this handy advice: Select “Couple” if you are joining as a couple (see already stoned)

Next on the form is Sex (the gender, not the contact sport), followed by Looking For. Both option’s options are limited to Man and Woman. Interestingly, however, Sex is a radio button, meaning you can only select one, but Looking For is a set of checkboxes, meaning you can select one, or the other, or both. So at The Cupids of Cannabis, you’re allowed to look for a man and a woman, but you’re not allowed to be a man and a woman. That’s bad news for the gender-straddlers out there: Bruce Jenner; Dennis Rodman; the person who picks out Hillary’s clothes.

The signup form concludes with the standard stuff – name, username, password, the little checkbox ratifying that you agree to the terms blah blah and agree not to blah blah or to sue anybody over blah blah. One more thing…What Does This Mean is also there to guide you through the tricky shoals of typing your own name: next to First Name, the handy tip “Enter your first name” and next to…yeah, you guessed it…”Enter your last name.”

Obviously, the clientele at Cupids are seriously high.

Once you’ve successfully joined – and paused to scarf down some munchies – you can get straight (no pun intended) to the task of finding somebody with a compatible water pipe, or you can take a minute to complete a Personality Profile.

According to the Cupids’ personality test, there are sixteen personality types (I suppose if you’re joining as a couple, there are only eight.) Of course, sixteen personality types is just silly non-science. Everybody knows there are only twelve types of people, and they’re already being served at another dating website, The Hashish of Horoscopes.

Another especially targeted online resource caters to married people who still want to date (looks like somebody forgot to read the rules, hmm?) My favorite part about this website are the tips – staggeringly hypocritical advice on how to be the best on your block at destroying your marriage. Witness:

If you can’t respect yourself, how are you going to be able to respect her?

That’s so true. A real man shows respect for the woman he’s using to cheat on his wife.

And here’s another:

You don’t have to have the rugged looks of James Dean or the wit and eloquence of James Bond; you just need to be personal, affable and honest.

That’s right. When you’re advertising for infidelity, it’s important to be honest.