- History tells us precious little about Isaac Newton’s first few gravity experiments
- Box office receipts were not particularly kind to the franchise’s latest sequel, “Die Hard XXXV: Die By Lunch Buffet”
- “I understand, Mr. Biden, but ‘Pelosi Sings The State of the Union Address’ went absolutely nowhere with the focus group.”
- “I’ll take ten dozen doses,” chuckled the wizard. “Now show me your potions for on-demand drooling.”
- “What can I tell you, sir? Regardless of the torture techniques, he refused to unclinch his fist. Shi-Chin, bring the saw.”
- “I don’t care,” argued the on-duty physician at the DMV. “Nobody deserves two larynxes. Scalpel.”
- “Not exactly the best plot I ever read,” admitted the critic, “but De Niro’s makeup was Oscar-worthy.”
- And still, there were some who continued to wonder why the retired security guard was still single.
- Reviews were mixed for the suspense author’s new page-turner, Death By Gypsum
- The bride’s family had serious doubts about Uncle Strophy making it to the rehearsal dinner.
- “Oh, kids. It’s time. Bring Mommy the foghorn.”